from now on my penis is your penis
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
