dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
