You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
