This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
