I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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