i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Your penis caused this!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
