I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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