I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
