Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
