i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It was confusing and full of hummus
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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