I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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