Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
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