I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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