It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
