So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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