Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Never let your siblings swipe right.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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