When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Watching her eat just hurts me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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