id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
