Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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