Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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