Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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