im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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