I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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