We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
