She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
