Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
