i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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