well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
