Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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