i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
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She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
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How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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