When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
