I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
