I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
