Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize