well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
