So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
