spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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