Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
