haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
