I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
