Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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