Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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