so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
