Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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