yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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