Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
