Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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