I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
