That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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