is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My vagina is officially offended.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
