Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
