i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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