I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
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