my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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