Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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