I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
