I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
