I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize