The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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