If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
