I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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