Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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